Our routines (William and me) have so drastically changed. Everyday we go to the hospital and there is nothing else more important than that. William look forward with "extreme anxiety" to go to the hospital to see Keelan. Me, I am still in awe-kind of in disbelief, like living a Dali in a Dali or Frida painting. At times all this seems surreal, like a beautiful sweet yet sour dream. I think is because I after planning and preparing for a December delivery all of the sudden I find myself a turned into a mother. I remember, going for a routine test and then...blam, kablam, blast and KABOOM...the baby is here! No birth plan, no waiting, no walking up and down counting contractions, nothing! I was rushed to the surgery room, blast with general anesthesia (since Lovenox users can not have an epidural or some types of anesthesia due to the negative interaction of the drugs having the potential to be fatal), fifteen minutes later...here it is -to the tune of the Miss America song- Keelan is born. I really miss it, being able to see her coming out and transition to our world.
After her birth, things have been a bit stressful, confusing, and painful as well as joyful. In a flash we have change, I have changed. She is my world and I am eager to give the best I can offer to the full percentage of my abilities. I am really looking forward to her development as an individual. Of course this open up another can of worms-getting old. I am 40 years old, I used to look at myself in the mirror and not realize my true age. Not that I was in denial, but i did not feel my biological age. Now, eight days later after the birth of Keelan, I look at myself and see a mother, I see I am 40, it is my reality. Not that I feel old, but I feel suddenly a sense of responsibility that I have never felt before. I guess the motherhood bug has got to me. Yet, when I hold her in my arms I feel a bit clumsy- I have never been "Miss Pink and Rose Delicate Flower" kind of girl. I can't wait to bring my Keelan home.
Every day going and coming to the hospital is become more difficult because I do not want to leave her behind. She is a feisty as mom, you should see her the other day while I was holding her in what is called Kangaroo (skin to skin), out of the sudden she this tiny thing of a person started to wiggle just like a professional contortionist from the top of my chest all the way until she found my breast. And let me tell you, she really fought her way down, when she could not get what she was she was looking for on one side, she managed to wiggle her way to the right...I wished I had a video camera then, it was just amazing because this 3 pound 10 ounces girl had a lot of strength to pull such a stunt like that.
Well, back to her progress, she is can now suck, tolerate at least 16 ml of formula or breast milk, pee like a fountain, open her eyes even with bright light, sneeze, yawn, cry-only when she have to- among other things. She, I believe recognizes and distinguishes me from William. When William holds her she smile "looks at him", relaxes and sleep. When I hold her, she does all the same things that she does with William but...except that she immediately search for you know what-my breast. She can smell it.
Keelan in her quest to breast feed.
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